We have been to the good, the bad and the ugly Christmas parties. Here at Sex Drugs and Bacon Rolls we are not scrooges and do like a good knees up at the festive period but location, budget and most importantly people you actually like are key for it to be a fun night. As we are in the Christmas spirit…we’ve compiled a list of the top five worst parties that we and our friends have experienced.
- The SME aka ‘you must be grateful party’
For the smaller team, the boss can get away with a half-arsed attempt. They take you to a chain restaurant, give you £20-30 a head and then slap you with ‘you’ll have a set meal and a welcome drink on the company, but any drinks after you must pay for’ and ask you to pretend it’s half decent. But if you don’t go you are immediately classed as not a team player, or worse, ungrateful.
- The corporate ‘we are only just coming out of a recession/going into Brexit’ party
Parties in the office with shop bought booze are not cool, no matter what age and industry. These probably are the worst of all, where you are forced to talk to people you would only ever talk to about work and they end up telling you about their love lives and childhood – and everything in between. You end up so bored you end up hiding in the cubicle reading your book, waiting for the first person to leave, so you are not the first ‘party pooper’.
- The ‘we’ve made it in London’ party
This is often reserved for people in finance, tech and/or sales (I’ve worked in, and wit, all all of these industries in my career so am not judging) but we all know those parties. The party often starts at 4pm in the office again (see #2) and then ends up in the likes of Kanaloa, Mahiki or, god forbid, Dirty Martini. A mess from the start, cocktail are ordered and wolfed down in no time. Sugar + alcohol = hangovers, Kiss (the band)-style make-up and apologies the next day.
- The ‘shared’ Christmas party
This is where a random group of companies book to have 3 course dinner and disco (with plenty of cheap booze) get together and have a party. It is cheaper for the company and employees get more than if a SME party (see #1). It can be very pot luck, or I prefer to say, Russian Roulette. Get a great group of other like-minded/give a damn party goers you can have a real laugh. But being stuck with an age group (older or younger that are not on your wave length) or industry (Media types and accountants DON’T MIX for example) then it’s terrible. Not worth the risk in my opinion but if you like the risk, but you might think it is worth a try.
- The ‘we are not having a party unless you arrange it yourself ‘
This is a personal favourite of mine, as I am usually left with organising it and I have a deep-rooted hatred of the crappy Christmas parties. I refuse to organise it and have a lovely night doing nothing. That is until your partner in crime in the office says that we should at least get a drink before the holiday… and you then find yourself in a night club for 21 year olds at 4am…Not ideal thinking actually thinking about it.
If you have other suggestions or examples, we’d love to hear from you.
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